So you have finally got the ring. With so many divorces research has shown you should ask yourself the following 8 questions to see if you are in it for long haul.
Are we compatible?
Couples who look forward to coming home and seeing, relating to and spending quality time together fare much better. Even though you may not agree on everything, studies show it is important you like each other and for the most part enjoy your time together.
Sex is also an important indicator of the health of a marriage. When there is no sex or couples are not sexually compatible there is trouble.
Do we have shared values and goals?
Money problems are one of the most common causes of divorce. Do you share the same inclinations for spending and saving, investment and expenses? If so, then you are among the lucky few who are financially compatible.
Recent research shows that if you have close friends or siblings who are divorced, your own marriage is more likely to break u. Common sense shows if you hang with people who cheat you will be more accepting of adapting the practice yourself. On the flip side, if you are engaged with happy and long-married couples, you will be more positive with this stabilizing influence on your own marriage.
Do we like to do the same things?
One of the best ways to be together in the long run is to share one or two mutual interests. Having shared interests not only provides common hobbies and activities, but also something to talk about outside the daily stress and grind of responsibilities and family.
Do we treat each other with love and respect and kindness?
If a marriage is to succeed, it is crucial for spouses to be able to communicate with each other. Solid communication includes having a meaningful exchange of thoughts, feelings, hopes and anxieties which may or may not be directly related to the marriage. New research shows couples who do not communicate or one couple communicates well and the other shuts down leads to serious deterioration of the relationship.
Do we enjoy each other’s company?
Once the responsibilities of work and family take over the “dating” aspect of the relationship erodes. However, if couples set aside some time for each other on a regular basis, it will be easier to keep the magic alive. Whatever it is, putting aside exclusive “us” time goes a long way in keeping the magic alive and makes it less possible to succumb to affairs.
Having fun and being silly keeps a marriage alive and goes a long way in preventing conflict. Remembering the first few giddy months and the “thrill of it all” keeps the spark alive. If you are mature enough to still act a little silly now and then, you and your spouse have a very good chance of making it to your golden wedding anniversary and perhaps beyond that as well.
Do we have the ability to resolve conflict?
Fighting fair is a must. All marriages have their own share of disagreements and no relationship is perfect. However the ability to see the other side and resolve conflict without negatively impacting the other person’s self-esteem will take you to the next level. Leave personal attacks and emotional blackmail at the door.
Do we share a commitment to love each other in good times and in bad?
It’s easy to stay in love when everything is good. But bad times will come and do you have the commitment to stand together as a couple and weather through them? Only time will tell in this regard.
Are we emotionally mature enough to make this life-long choice?
Have you incorporated your life experiences into developing a healthy self? We are all alone and no one is responsible for our own happiness. Have you discovered enough about yourself to know who you are and what you need from life? Are you secure enough to discern what your partner needs and then help them achieve such?
The greatest gift we can get and give is to love and be loved. Happy marriages!